Dude, no one has ever had more people pulling for him. I mean, everyone in the world wants you to succeed. I think even North Carolina fans want you to do well in this new one-year football venture. The way you handled being benched as a Duke basketball senior was a demonstration of true graciousness and humility. You are the consummate sportsman, you have a Rudy-like work ethic, and as such, everyone respects you.
But dude, seriously, an interception on the last play in overtime? Really?
Why do these kinds of things always happen to you?
No one has been more skeptical of you than I. And as a Notre Dame fan, I have ridden you pretty hard over the past couple seasons. I am beginning to think I may have been wrong about you. Those huge numbers you put up last week against (what was said to be) a formidable Nevada team were highly impressive. I still have my doubts, but young man, I am beginning to come around. Please don’t make me regret that decision.
I remember the first time I lost my woman to chicken tetrazzini. It was heart-breaking. The first time always is. But after the next few times I just kinda came to realize that, when it comes to chicken tetrazzini, love is helpless. I’m sure this poor woman will learn the same thing.
(Meanwhile, this other woman ought to holler at Gordon Ramsey and get on Hell’s Kitchen, cause she’s obviously got mad skills in the cooking department.)
